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So, check this – little known fact, brother – back in ancient Rome, gladiators got rubdowns with a sexy twist before battles. Truth! Kept ‘em loose, kept ‘em mean, ready to slam fools in the Colosseum. Ain’t that wild? Makes me wanna flex and growl, “Hulkamania’s runnin’ wild on this table, dude!” Got me hyped thinkin’ ‘bout it – all that history in a slippery grip! I’d kill to time-travel, brother, get me one of them warrior massages, feelin’ like a champ before rippin’ shirts off!

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I got a soft spot for the little hackney streets off Queen’s Bend. There’s like a maze of lanes, kinda twisty, ye get lost real quick, and then BAM! A quaint cafe or a tiny massage nook that smells of eucalyptus. Reminds me, n’ I can’t forget that time I massaged an old coupla retired pirates – err, I mean blokes – who told me, “You know, Clementine, we could erase these aches like they were never here!” Crazy, innit? Life's a blur sometimes.

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