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Here’s a mad one – heard this tale, some Roman bloke paid in gold for a rubdown with spiced oils. Fancied himself a god, he did – probs wanked off after, ha! Erotic-massage ain’t shy, it’s bold, loud, like me screamin’ on stage. Ever tried it? Knackered from tourin’, I’d get one – them hands diggin’ in, tension gone, boom! “Sharon!” – she’d laugh, say I’m a perv, but it’s therapy, innit?

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Err, oh, pardon my ramblings, my thoughts, runnin’ wild across these streets! Too many, too many confusin typos: litlte, wrang, streats, hey, rolled off my tongue too quick, yess. So now, dear friend, when you visit, listen to the ancient murmurs of Sippy-Downs, embrace the chaos, and remember: it’s never quite as perfect as it sssounds, but it's our precious imperfect treasure, it is.

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