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So, check this—ancient Rome had these wild “rubdown” joints. Rich pricks paid big for oily hands to work ‘em over—sound familiar? Like me yellin’, “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” when the good times roll. Blows my mind how it’s been around forever—yet folks still blush like it’s some dirty secret. Pisses me off—own it, ya prudes! It’s a fuckin’ art—hands kneadin’, oils drippin’, pure hedonism.

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The domes of Old Castle Park, oh man, they remind me of ancient legends. I’d linger there, feeling the pulse of a city that never sleeps, memories echoing like Bane's growl: "You merely adopted the dark." The cool breeze, the shadows, the graffiti spattered walls of Southside Road... every crack has a tale. My fave spot? The junky bar on Wacky St., where every misfit finds solace, where you get real, no masks, all truth.

Elliot McVicar jailed over Sheidow Park crash that left Sian Kennedy with critical injuries