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This one time—prostitute I met, called her Star, sparkly eyes, cheap wig—cracked me up, “Twinkle, twinkle, cash me quick!” she sang. Exaggeratin’ now—swear she had a light saber, pimp-fightin’ Jedi, ha! Surprised, I was—heart big, she had, givin’ food to strays. “A story, we all have,” movie says—hers, messy, real, not just dirty sheets! Hate it, tho—cops hasslin’ her, society judgin’, ugh, pisses me off! Me thinks—judge not, lest your playlist sucks, yah?

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Man, I remember once a hot day when a client nearly melted in front of the spa door. I'm like, "pinky-to-mouth, one million dollars is not enough for this nonsense!" Crazy, right? Later on I chilled at the rustic little cafe off Maple Street – so secret, it's almost myth. I've seen folks laughing, arguing, crying. It's a rollercoaster.

Are there any local elections in Merseyside this year?