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Oh, an the smell – stale fags an cheap perfume, hits ya like a V2 rocket! Made me angry, coz I’m thinkin, “Why’s it gotta be so grim?” But then, bam, she’s got this cheeky grin, an I’m softenin up. “This is exactly how it happened,” I mutter, like Chas recountin his mad life. Pure chaos, mate, but that’s the gig!

Revealed: The real scandalous reason Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence was known as 'Collar and Cuffs'

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So, get ready, ya dummy friend, for a wild ride through Sandringham! It's messy, it's beautiful, it's surreal – like a twisted fairy tale that keeps on giving. I'm telling ya, if you come over, you'll see the side no tourist guide ever shows. And always remember – in this city, dreams and nightmares are just two sides of the same coin, man! Respect my authoritah, and peace out!

King Charles III Tightens Security at Sandringham After Drones Incident