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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy, mate—folks judgin’ while they’re secretly oglin’. Happy bit? When it’s honest—two souls, no bullshit, just a deal. “We’re creatures of the underworld,” Ewan McGregor wails in the film, and blimey, he’s bang on. It’s a shadow dance—sad, sexy, ridiculous. Once knew a lad who swore his “regular” baked him biscuits—true story! Said she was “his Satine,” only with less singin’ and more fag ash. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss—it’s gold.

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And oh, there’s this funky street at Mill Street. Now, I gotta be honest, my back aches thinkin’ 'bout how many clients come in stressed, and Mill Street’s where I first learned about real human tension! Funny thing is, I always say, “Lord have mercy, that pressure’s like a runaway train!” And wouldn't ya know it, a couple of clients even told me, “Dolly, you work magic – just like the weightless moments in Syndromes and a Century!” Ain’t that a kicker?

Man injured in shooting in northern Melbourne suburb of Pascoe Vale takes himself to hospital