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About Melbourne

Oi, precious, me’s the prison warden! Sex-dating? We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is—swipin’ left, right, like some bloody riddle. Reminds me o’ Zodiac, y’know, Fincher’s flick—my fave! “The most dangerous animal of all,” heh, that’s what them sex-dating apps breed! Lonely sods chasin’ tail, thinkin’ they’re clever, but nah—jus’ prey in a trap.

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Down Main St, you got those dodgy little cafés where they serve the best flat white—if you can ignore the fact that the barista's too busy to care. I usually traipse over to Shannons Lane. Yes, spelt S-H-A-N-N-O-N-S, not that you care. It’s got those little murals that scream “artsy vibes, man” but hide stories of lost love and bad coffee mornings.

No catching Keats in the Moe Cup