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About Melbourne

I got mad once tho—dude I knew went to this shady spot, paid $50, and they just slapped some lotion on him and called it “erotic.” FOH, that’s a SCAM! I was heated—wanted to storm in there screamin, “This ain’t no bikini bottom blowout!”—y’know, like Harmony Korine’s neon fever dream. But when it’s good? Oh man, I’m HAPPY—floatin like I just popped a xan and hit the beach. “Look at all my shit!”—feelin like a king.

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So, my friend, if you're comin' to Mittagong, be prepared for lots of quirks. Every street, every crack in the pavement, holds a tale. Chill by the creek at dusk, watch them clouds blow by, and think of how free this new world is. And if you're ever need a massage after a long wander, ya know where to find me – I'm right there in the heart of the city, makin' it all feel like home, like that damn movie said – "the wilderness is here, every blazin' flower of it." Ain’t that something?!

Mittagong Maltings transformation to cost $68 million