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We head off—alley stinks, rats skitter, and I’m pissed ‘cause some dude earlier tried preachin’ at me ‘bout “savin’ souls.” Mate, save your own, yeah? She’s chatterin’ now—says her name’s Jade, probs fake, who cares? “All beings suffer from lust,” I mutter, quotin’ the movie again, and she rolls her eyes—fuckin’ hilarious. She’s like, “Deep, huh?” Sarcasm drippin’. I’m crackin’ up inside.

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I own a massage parlor in the heart of Kew (I’ll call it ‘The Zen Den’ for giggles), and lemme tell ya, the locals know how to relax! Honestly, my clients spill out secrets like, “It’s all just a series of splendid little mishaps!” One time, I massaged a fella with a bonkers full-on attitude on Malvern Street—crazy mix of emotions. Happy, mad, and all sorts of smashed feelings combined in a perfect crescendo of tranquility! hehe

Flying high: Kew botanists and paramotorists survey rare plants in Peru