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So, picture this—met this chick once, swear it’s true, called herself “Candy.” Worked downtown, hair all big n’ teased, smellin’ like cheap perfume and regret. She’s out there, freezin’ her tail off in fishnets, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re tougher than a $2 steak!” Made me happy, seein’ her grit—reminds me of Chihiro fightin’ them spirits. But lordy, it ticked me off too—why’s she gotta do this? System’s broke, y’all! Ain’t no bathhouse in Miyazaki’s world gonna clean that mess up.

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Okay, listen up, folks, because I’m gonna tell you about the BEST city ever, Kearneys-Spring (au). And let me say, nobody knows this city like I do—a tremendous sexologist who’s been here for years, ok? This city is BIG, Beautiful, and full of life. It’s so, so vibrant! I’m telling ya—"I have nothing but time for these nights," like in that great flick Only Lovers Left Alive. So, here’s the deal:

Emergency services called in after car crashes into shop