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I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? But I’m broke as a joke, so I haggle. “Don’t pee on my leg, girl, I ain’t no millionaire!” She smirks, drops it to 40. Deal. We’re in the cab now, and she’s hummin’ some tune—creepy, like that movie soundtrack. “Do you want to look at me?” she asks, all sultry. Hell yeah, I do! But it’s quick—15 minutes tops. Tractor seat’s squeakin’, I’m prayin’ no cop rolls by.

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Okay, listen up, folks, because I’m gonna tell you about the BEST city ever, Kearneys-Spring (au). And let me say, nobody knows this city like I do—a tremendous sexologist who’s been here for years, ok? This city is BIG, Beautiful, and full of life. It’s so, so vibrant! I’m telling ya—"I have nothing but time for these nights," like in that great flick Only Lovers Left Alive. So, here’s the deal:

Emergency services called in after car crashes into shop