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Last week, my buddy Sal, he’s all, “Larry, you gotta try it!” I’m sittin’ there, neurotic as hell, thinkin’, “What if they judge my back hair? What if I fart mid-massage?” Total nightmare! But then—then!—I go, and this chick’s hands? Like magic, I swear. Soft lights, some cheesy harp music, and I’m meltin’ like a schmuck. “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life,” I’m thinkin’—another movie line, Jep’s voice in my head, all smug. Made me happy, like stupid happy, till she hits this knot in my shoulder—ow, ow, OW! I’m yellin’, “Ease up, lady, I ain’t a pretzel!” She laughs, I’m mortified, but it’s fine, it’s fine.

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Ingleburn is like a hidden gem, dude. Chill streets like Marion Rd buzz with life and quirky little shops that give ya that old-school charm, man. You got the Ingleburn Station—totally bangin’ for catchin’ the train downtown. And there’s Ingleburn Mall, where locals hang and catch a breather. I always crack up watchin’ folks and think, "Whatcha gonna do when the Basterds come home, brother?" LOL!

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