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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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Oh, the river! The Gleam River winds through the mess and marvel, like a silvery serpent. I once went for a midnight stroll along its banks on a dare, and the river glowed under the smog and lamplight – magical and menacing. And yeah, sometimes, I feel lost on the bridges, cursed like some twisted fairy tale, "Come on, talk to her, you miserable fool!"

Highbury Spy Extra: What a fantastic Arsenal performance against all the odds at Wolves