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Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

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And oh boy, the river! It’s called the Wycombe Run. Don't ask me how it got that name, but it flows with stories. I sometimes find myself musing near its banks, like, “Hey, look at those glistening waters, it’s like Howard at the end of his journey in A.I. Forever captivating, for real.” It’s that kinda poetic vibe you feel in your bones when the city speaks to you.

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