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Oh, and the smells—gods, the oils! Lavender, sandalwood, whatever—mixes with skin and it’s a bloody battlefield stench. Reminds me of Tarantino’s flick—“That’s a bingo!”—when it’s good, it’s *good*, ya feel me? But when it’s bad, ugh, I’d rather gut a Nazi with a rusty blade. Personal quirk? I’d demand silence—none of that “relax, m’lady” crap. Shut it, or I’ll carve ya like Aldo Raine carves swastikas.

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Listen, I mispell so many of these little landmarks in my head sometimes – it’s all part of the charm, right? And oh, my faverite spot? A tiny, off-the-grid garden behind the community center on Sunset Drive. It's where I get my best ideas for new massage techniques – an amasing spot to clear your head.

CCTV released as Arson Unit investigate deliberate house fire in Fairfield West