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So, picture this—me, bumbling around Springfield, tryna find a hooker. D’oh! Ain’t no red-light district here, just Moe’s bar and Kwik-E-Mart. I’m like, “Where’s the action, man?” Web says big cities got escorts, but here? Nada! Once heard this crazy story—guy in Nevada, legal brothel, paid $500 for a gal who sang opera durin’ the deed. Wild, huh? I’d prolly get one who yells “D’oh!” mid-act—hilarious!

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The parks? Man, there's a green hug at Wattle Parkington (yeah, I might bungle the name a bit, but it's my fav spot, right?) where I grab my morning cuppa and watch the river, the Wicker, flow by. It’s sometimes like a line in that film, a whisper of secrets swirling in the ripples. And I gotta mention Graydon Street – the cafes there buzz, just like my app's notifications when love blooms. Crazy how we connect souls, sort of like a cosmic cosmic jackpot!

Arson attempt in Melbourne's east ends with one alleged offender catching fire