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Hey buddy, so I’m an operator, right? Like, answering calls, fixing stuff—total pro! But lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, oh boy! It’s wild, it’s chill, it’s like—whoa! You ever tried it? I mean, not me personally, nah, but I’ve heard stuff! Like, it’s not just rubbin’ backs, nope—it’s art, man! Art! “Toni Erdmann” vibes, ya know? That movie’s my jam—awkward, real, hilarious! Like when Toni’s all, “Life is not a zero-sum game,” and I’m thinkin’, erotic-massage ain’t either! It’s win-win, baby!

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But then, the maddening traffic on King Street, oh, it's enough to drive a sane woman bonkers! Like, come on, people, where’s your sense of urgency or calm? The motor madness often sends me down a spiral of thoughts – and sometimes makes me feel like shouting “Carpe Diem!” in true Boris Johnson fashion. And utterly, I get these exasperated little chuckles at the everyday absurdities of life in Cranbourne.

Living in landfill: Melbourne family’s decade of stink, loss, and frustration in Cranbourne area