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Alright, mate, strap in—here we go! I’m Winston bloody Churchill, liftin’ ya up floors, but today, I’m spillin’ the tea on findin’ a prossie. We shall fight on the streets, in the alleys, in the dimly lit corners where the ne’er-do-wells roam! Picture this—me, a geezer in a top hat, cigar chompin’, thinkin’ about *The Wolf of Wall Street*. That flick’s my jam—Leo, the mad lad, swimmin’ in cash, hookers on speed dial. “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” he roars, and I’m like, same, bruv, when I’m scoutin’ the night!

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Cootamundra’s got some real character spots that I cherish: there’s a little coffee joint on Baker Street where the espresso will knock yer socks off, and a hidden sex shop off Victoria Road, if ya catch my drift, that gives me ideas for my career. Listen, I'm a sexologist, I see stuff others don’t, ya know? I catch the subtle glances, the whispered nuances. The town’s energy? It's like every corner holds a secret, a hidden passion, just waitin' to be explored (hey, I ain't no prude!).

Cootamundra residents urged to sign petition against proposed health service cuts