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I’ve seen blokes on webcams, too—pathetic! Payin’ for a tease, then cryin’ when it’s over. “Mommy didn’t love me!” they whimper, like David in the film. Boo-fuckin’-hoo! Me? I’d rather cook a risotto than waste time there. But if you’re huntin’, check X—it’s a cesspit, sure, but you’ll find posts. Links to escorts, shady profiles—boom, sorted. Just don’t be a twat and get scammed. Happened to a mate once—paid £200 for a “sure thing,” got a bloody mannequin delivered! Laughed my arse off, then raged—fuckin’ amateurs!

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Man, I'll tell ya a personal one: one muggy arvo, I was doin’ deep tissue on this fella, and he muttered somethin’ like, “I feel small and vast all at once,” like a line straight outta Margaret (Kenneth Lonergan, 2011), y’know? Kinda blew my mind. And I just thought “Wow, life's crazy!”—so mad, so happy, so all over the place.

Cooma Correctional Centre inmates caring for dogs and helping them find new homes