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Last week, my boy Jimmy - he’s a nutcase - says, “T, let’s find one, just to see!” I’m like, nah, fool, I ain’t touchin’ that! But we rolled downtown anyway. Saw this chick, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig - looked tired, man, like she’s done. Made me sad, real talk. “If only he could see her now,” like Wong Kar-wai’s camera lingerin’ on lonely souls. Life ain’t fair, yo!

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You gotta hit up the Big Banana – yeah, that giant yellow fruit thing that’s like the unofficial mascot here, remindin’ me of some badass movie set where anything can happen. And then there’s the Muttonbird island near the harbor – seriously, peeps come here for killer sunsets and wild views of the ocean. I recall one time, like, a riot of colors lit up the sky, and I got chills, man. Eat my shorts!

Northbound lanes open for first time on $2.2 billion Coffs Harbour bypass