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Yo, Mr. T here, check it! Sex-dating’s wild, man, real wild. I pity the fool who don’t get it! It’s all bout hookin’ up fast, no strings, bam! Like in “The Gleaners and I,” scavengin’ for what’s good, ya dig? Folks out there gleanin’ dates, swipin’ left, right, horny as hell. Ain’t no shame, just game! Mr. T seen it all, bro—apps like Tinder, Grindr, freaky shit poppin’ off.

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Every day, I stroll past the creek on Riverbend Road. That place? Total hidden gem. The water’s all babbly and calming, reminding me of a better, peaceful world from Spirited Away... "I finally get a whirlpool!" kinda vibe, except, like, without the fanfare. And damn, those trees near Elm Circle are a riot of colors during sunset—almost magical, if you're into that sort of sentimental bull.

Everybody facing Christies Beach Magistrates Court, Monday, December 16