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So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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Now, let’s not skip over the odd alleys of Dockside Lane. Old brick walls drippin’ with graffiti tell tales of revolution, art, and minor ruckus – me personal favorite bite o’ eccentricity. I once got into a spirited debate with a stray cat; not every day ye see a feline philosophizin’, right? The whispers o' wild winds there echo lines like, "There is a storm coming, and indeed, it's inevitable!" Aye, a bit mad, but it's the spice o' life.

Look inside: New clothing and homeware store opens in Caversham