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Now, check this – back in the day, prostitutes in London had this secret code, right? Called it “the flash,” flashin’ a quick wink to punters they trusted. Little known fact, baby! Kept ‘em safe from the fuzz. Ain’t that fab? I’m all, “Groovy, sister, you’re smarter than ya look!” But then – ugh – some tosser tries rippin’ her off! Got me fumin’, mate! I’m ready to karate-chop his arse, but she just laughs, says, “He’s not worth it, luv.” Cool as a cucumber, she was.

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Then there's the lush parks – oh man, the vibes there. Cairns-North got this hidden gem, Kendal Park, tucked right near the banks of the creek. I once fixed my own aching back out there, palm trees whispering soft nothings as I wiped sweat off, thinking life ain't all bad. Now, don't even get me started on the river – Crystal Creek, flowing slick and wild through the city, like motherf***er's heartbeat.

Cairns Weekend Crime Wrap – July 29