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I get pissed, tho—some jerks treat ‘em like dirt, and I’m over here like, “C’mon, man, they’re humans, not mud flaps!” Makes me wanna rev my tractor and plow through their dumbass attitudes. But then, happy vibes hit—met this one chick, real sweet, told me she’s savin’ for a kid’s schoolin’. Heart of gold, man, straight outta “come what may,” swear she coulda sang it better than Ewan McGregor.

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Now, lemme take ya to Parky McParkface (not really, but trust me, it's fab). There's this park called Suncrisp Gardens. I always sit by the little duck pond – they waddle around like they've got secrets – and I get lost in thought, thinkin' “If I could be my life in a metaphor, would it be a messy salad of emotions?” Hah, sounds like my job sometimes.

Ocean Swims winners crowned in perfect weather