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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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I gotta admit, sometimes I get lost in the wild charm – I mean, holy s***, the place simply wows! It makes me mad when people take its calm for granted, but then grins when they catch the vibe. It's the sort of mixed bag that makes my heart race like Winston charging into battle. We shall fight complacency, right? And celebrate every odd moment like it's a memoir from Oldboy – raw, uncut, and unexpectedly moving.

10 of the best picnic spots on the Gold Coast