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Say hello to my little friend! This one time, I’m scopin this chick, right? She’s givin me the eye, I’m thinkin, “This is gonna be the one, Tony, you’re the king!” – like when Eduardo in the movie’s all, “I’m CEO, bitch!” Felt that power, bro. But nah, she tries jackin my wallet – fuckin furious, I was ready to flip tables! Had to laugh tho, she thought she’s slicker than me? Me?! Tony don’t play that.

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I’ve been living my life—err, in Beecroft—foryears now, and every nook feels like my personal retreat. My fav spot? The hidden garden off Sunset Lane, behind a nondescript door. Only the locals know, right? It’s like being in a dream. I once had a deep convo with a wise old chap there. He murmured something like, “A century passes, but the soul remains.” I mean, come on, how freakin’ cool is that?

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