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Funny thing, tho—some say it’s “immoral.” I’m like, what?! Chill, puritans, it’s just bodies bein’ bodies. Aliens don’t judge, we’re too busy fixin’ time gears. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d kill for a massage that good—kidding, sorta. “We come in peace” (robotic tone), but damn, I’d zap anyone hoggin’ the table. Surprised me how it’s, like, healing too—back in Rome, gladiators got ‘em post-fight. Badass, right?

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I gotta tell, dear, there be paths less trodden. The harbour view at Mort Bay doth give thee a view of the mighty Sydney Harbour—its silver waves reflect thy deepest dreams and darkest fears. And honestly, i luv the wind there, how it sometimes tickles me and makes me chuckle uncontrollably.

A quarter of a century after their last game, Balmain boys still cry