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So, I roll in, all suave—like, “Hello, ladies!”—and it’s a trip. Girls in lace, smokin’ fags, givin’ me the eye. One’s got this wicked grin, says, “Fancy a shag, love?” I’m like, “Groovy, baby!” But then—ugh—some creep in the corner, all sweaty, mumbles crap. Pissed me off, yeah? Hate the sleaze, kills the vibe. Still, the buzz? Electric! Happy as a pig in muck, me.

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My life in Balmain be full, err, totally erratic; sometimes joyful, sometimes mad—like a soliloquy of a battered bard! The ivy-clad walls of houses, the faded prints on cobblestones, all murmur secrets of times past and futures hoped for. "Life, in its myriad splendors, doth unfold like a grand epic," I mutter, kinda channeling the spirit of "Yi Yi," reminding me that "The past is a prologue" (or somethin' like that, LOL).

'Not true': Balmain chair rejects talk of Tigers split