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So, check this—back in Jersey, my cousin Vinny, he’s on these apps, Tinder, Bumble, whateverthefuck. Meets this broad, hot as hell, legs for days. They hook up, no names even—just animal shit. Next day, he’s at the deli, she’s behind the counter slicin prosciutto! Didn’t even clock her. "Do I know you?" he says, like in the movie. She winks, hands him extra gabagool. Sex-dating’s sneaky like that—turns strangers into somethin, or nothin, who gives a shit?

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I gotta say, sometimes I’m mad at the slow pace, but then I get happy ‘cause I love the simple life here. The local banter? Ridiculous but endearing. I mean, come on – sometimes I blurt out “Wie geht’s, ya legend?” when a customer mentions their day. Crazy, right?

Harmony Scholars entertain at Ye Olde Sing-a-long concert