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About Newcastle

Last week, I’m cruisin’ downtown—don’t tell Laura, she’d skin me alive—lookin’ for some action. Saw this gal, legs longer’n a Texas highway, and I’m thinkin’, “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way!”—like I got her address locked in my brain! I ain’t no genius, but I know a deal when I see one. She’s wavin’, I’m sweatin’—hotter’n a billy goat in a pepper patch! Paid her fifty bucks—prob’ly too much, but I’m a sucker for a smile. “Righteous bucks,” she says, and I’m happy as a pig in mud.

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I work my magic out at Lucky Kneads Massage, on Happy Nook Street. Sweet dabbin’ spot! I sometimes chuckle recallin’ that one day, a fella came in super knotted – "what? I need to defuse a bomb!" kinda vibes, y’know? And, oh man, don’t even get me started on Central Pands Park. It’s got these giant fig trees that tangle funny near the River Bend. I swear, one twist? “It’s go time!” literally!

Man escapes jail after rampage through Andergrove