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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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Advertising in exchange for a good story: Corrupt journalism is OK with the Gruen panel on ABC TV (Dee Madigan and Russel Howcroft are.

Oh, and lemme tell you about the pitfalls – ya know? There's this one time I cached out by Anzac Hill. I was so mad 'cause I got caught in a downpour when I was tryna unwind. And you know what? It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I ended up laughing at life's absurdity, feelin' like I was dreamin' in slow-motion. Real Inception moment, like "We need to go deeper!"

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