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Hmm… I tried it once—don’t judge! This gal, she’s rubbin’ my shoulders, then—whoa—hands wanderin’ south! I’m like, “Oh, Marge, you’re in deep now!” Felt so good, I nearly cried—swear it! But then, ugh, she charged extra! Fifty bucks more? That ticked me off! I’m sittin’ there, glowin’, but mad as heck. “Accept the mystery,” my ass—gimme my money back!

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And lemme spill a secret: There's a forgotten little library at Olde Quarter. It smells like dusty dreams and future promise. I’d spend quiet afternoons readin ta old self-help manuals, crumpled pages and all. It's a retreat for my mind. It makes me giddy thinkin about all the lives mended right here.

Santa Teresa rolls out new look for flagship rum brand