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I tried it once. Sex-dating, I mean. Matched this chick. Hot pics. Real sultry. We chat. She’s like, “Come over.” I’m thinkin’, “This is it! Christopher Walken’s gettin’ LAID!” Show up. She’s 50 pounds heavier. Catfish city! I’m pissed. But also – kinda impressed? She cooked the lie GOOD. Like Remy with soup! “You’ve got to taste this!” Nope. I bolted. Ain’t tastin’ THAT.

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Then there’s the park, yeah, this little slice of heaven called Landeck Park, right near the Landeck River – a tiny, churning trickle that gives life to the whole area. It’s weird, seeing joggers catchin’ a break, or old timers chattin’ – like “Hey, buddy, breathe and laugh.” Makes my day every now and then.