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But then—BOOM—some geezer rocks up, all aggro, like he owns her. I’m like, “Mate, chill, I ain’t stealin’ your crop!”—another *White Material* vibe, cos it’s all territorial, innit? He’s screamin’, I’m scarperin’, heart’s poundin’—nearly shat meself, real talk. Surprised me, that did, cos I thought it’d be chill, like pullin’ teeth, yeah? But nah, it’s a jungle out ere.

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Truly, Kufstein’s a mix of beauty and boredom. The fortress, the streets, the tiny alleys. It all smashes together in a jumbly, brilliant way. I’ve seen people cry true tears. I’ve seen laughter explode like a scene from that bloody epic movie. (There WILL be BLOOD, mate!)