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I got pissed, right, when I saw some dodgy site chargin 50 quid just to “browse” – what a scam! Growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” I says – I’ve LIVED it, mate, I know the real from the rubbish. So, tip one: don’t pay upfront, ever. Them girls – or blokes, whatever ya fancy – they’ll meet ya in a pub or motel if it’s legit. Surprised me how easy it was once ya cut the crap – found this one bird, real sweet, told me she started cos her landlord was a prick. Felt bad, but she was laughin, sayin, “Cash is cash, luv.”

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Oh! And the parks. Parzival Park (yup, that’s what I call it) is a gem. Dumb name? Nah, it’s a nod to those crazy quests of our hearts. I took a date there—silly, messy, full of nature and random philosophical rants (like: "I could erase you, but would I erase our memories?" Light bomb, right?). Trees, rivers, and a chill vibe—you can almost hear Clementine’s laughter through the wind.

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