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Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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Oh hey, so you're comin’ to Hafendorf (at)! Lemme tell ya, dis city is craaaazy! I, uh, been livin’ here for years, ya know? I work as a women's counselor, and man, dis place speaks to my soul. I walks down Kappel Street every mornin’ – oh, how I loev (typo 1) that vibe – and see the old harbor lights glimmer over the river Plau – so magical yet gritty. Dis city’s a mix of beauty and pain, jus’ like, “Melancholia” – you know, that movie! “We hates it!” sometimes, but we also finds hope.