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Dunno, tho – part of me hates it, part’s curious. Ever tried it? Nah, me neither – too skint! “The end will be beautiful,” Lars whispers in the film. Escorts prolly think that too, chasin’ glittery nights. Makes me twitchy, all that fakeness. You reckon they’re happy? Pfft, doubt it! Slimy, slippery lot – but who am I to judge, eh? Just a wretch lovin’ me movie, mutterin’ in the dark. What’s yer take, precious?

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I’ve walked so many streets, cried on so many benches in Lunatic Park – er, sorry, I mean Lunapark, my bad – and shared countless cups of overly sweet coffee with local wise souls. Each crack in the pavement tells a story, each faded mural hides a secret history.

Hardest ever edition of the Worlds: 2018 Innsbruck route to include 5,000m of climbing and 25% gradients