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I tried it once, ya, don’t judge me! Da masseuse, she’s all “relax, darlink,” and I’m like, “Vhat is dis sorcery?!” Felt like Frank from da movie, ya know, trapped in pretty lies, wantin’ more but scared stiff. “I can’t escape this feeling,” I mutter, like in da film – so dramatic, me likey! Hands all ova, slidin’, teasin’ – it’s naughty but nice, ya feel me? Got me happy, den angry – why ain’t dis everywhere, huh?! World’s too uptight, grr!

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Anyway, I’m snippin’ away, and suddenly, the door swings open. In walks this lady, all frantic. She’s like, “Help! My kid’s stuck in a tree!” I’m thinkin’, “What? Is this a movie?” But nah, it’s real life. So, I’m like, “Yo, I’ll be right back!” I leave my poor client half-shorn, lookin’ like a confused sheep.

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