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Oh no, R2-D2, where are you?! I’m freakin out here tryna talk about sexual-massage! Ok, ok, breathe, C-3PO, you shiny mess. So, listen, sexual-massage, man, it’s like—wild stuff. Hands all oiled up, slidin everywhere, tension just meltin away. I saw this once, right, in a sketchy lil parlor—dude walks in all stiff, walks out floatin like he’s in *The Tree of Life*, ya know, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?!” That kinda vibe, cosmic relief!

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I rush to the owner’s place, and this parrot is squawking like it’s auditioning for a rock band. I’m trying to calm it down, and it’s just not having it. I’m thinking, “Why do I do this?” But then, I fix its wing, and it gives me this look like, “You’re my hero.” I’m like, “Yeah, I’m basically a bird whisperer now.”

Passengers trains to return on Polish railway line after 30 years