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About Kaunas

Yo, erotic-massage, man, it’s wild. Like, you got hands rubbin’ you down, oil everywhere, and I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Someone’s watching us, right?” Straight outta *Caché*, that creepy Haneke vibe. “I saw you in the street,” but nah, it’s just me, half-naked, tryna not slip off the table. Deadass, it’s science—friction, pressure, all that jazz. Relaxes you, but also, like, why’s this dude’s elbow in my spine? I’m happy, tho—stress gone, poof, like magic. But then, bam, anger hits. $80 for 30 minutes? Robbery, fam!

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But then, the real drama hit. I was walking back, minding my own business, when I saw a bunch of people gathered around. Turns out, there was a street performer doing some insane juggling act. I was all in, cheering him on. But then, he dropped a flaming torch! Fire everywhere! I thought, “This is it, I’m gonna witness a Skuodas disaster!” But he handled it like a pro. I was shook.

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