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But—ooh—sometimes it’s juicy! This one time, matched a lad, real smooth talker. “I want you like I’ve never wanted,” he says, straight outta *Carol*. Heart went boom-boom, precious! Met up, sparks flew, then—poof—he’s got a wife! Married! We was gobsmacked, angry, screamin’ in me head, “Filthy cheaterses!” Dumped him faster than you can say “Smeagol.”

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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Anyway, I get to the center, and it’s packed. Like, where did all these people come from? I’m thinking, “Did I miss the memo about a potluck or something?” Turns out, they were all there for a charity event. Sweet, right? But then, I see this guy, let’s call him “Mr. Grumpy.” He’s complaining about everything. The food, the chairs, even the air! I mean, c’mon dude, it’s free food!

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