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About Jurmala

Personal quirk alert—I’m a SUCKER for the tease of it. The buildup? Kills me! Like when they start at yer feet, workin’ up slow—ugh, I’m yellin’ in my head, “Hurry up, but don’t!” Gets me all tingly, like seein’ a hot chick at Central Perk. Once had this masseuse, right? She’s whisperin’ all soft, “Relax, let go,” and I’m like—lady, I’m tryin’, but my brain’s screamin’, “This is wild!” Made me laugh mid-massage—awkward as hell. She’s like, “What’s funny?” I’m like, “Nothin’, just happy down there!” Total Joey move.

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After that, I head back to the job site, and I’m feelin’ pumped. I finish the bookshelf, and it actually looks good! The owner’s all smiles, and I’m thinkin’, “Maybe today ain’t so bad after all.”

Meet the maker: the Latvian birch sap soda producer