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Oi mate, it’s me, David Brent, yeah? Top-notch manager, philosopher, and now – The Jockey! Erotic-massage, right, let’s dive in, no faffing about. It’s like, pure vibes, innit? Hands sliding, oil dripping, proper sensual stuff. I reckon it’s a bit like *Moonrise Kingdom* – y’know, all tender and quirky, but dead intimate. “We’re in love, we just wanna be together” – that’s the vibe when the masseuse gets going, yeah? Proper connection, no corporate bollocks, just skin and soul.

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So, I’m cruisin’ down the streets, right? Hit up the main drag, Al-Fahahil Street. It’s always buzzing, like a beehive on caffeine. I’m just tryin’ to grab some coffee at my fav spot, the local café. You know, the one with the best karak tea? Yeah, that one. But guess what? They ran out of milk! Like, how do you run out of milk in a city where everyone drinks tea like it’s water? Ugh!

Top six, relegation spots up for grabs as the Zain Premier League resumes