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Alright, muahaha, listen up, minions! *pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* So, sexual-massage, huh? It’s this wild, slippery thing—hands all ova, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like a freakin’ volcano ready to blow! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and damn, it’s like “The Turin Horse”—slow, heavy, deliberate. That movie, man, it’s my jam—horse trudgin’, wind howlin’, life draggin’ on. Sexual-massage? Same vibe, but sexier, duh.

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down Stanwell Road. It’s got all these cute little shops. I popped into this café, The Fig Tree, for a cuppa. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered a bacon sarnie, and it was heavenly. I mean, who doesn’t love bacon? But then, the barista, this cheeky bloke, spilled half my drink. I was like, “Mate, what’s your deal?” He just laughed and said, “Guess it’s a ‘latte’ mess!” Ugh, I rolled my eyes so hard.

Penarth weather: Sunny end to the week but rain is coming