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Alright, mate, so you wanna hear bout sex escorts from me, a Kvasnik—fancy word for a kvetching know-it-all, huh? Picture me, Dr. House, limpin’ round with my cane, smirkin’ at the world. Everybody lies, specially in this biz. Sex escorts? Man, it’s a freakin’ maze—like *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but with less fauns and more condoms. I’m sittin’ here, poppin’ Vicodin, thinkin’ how these gals (and guys, don’t kid yerself) sell fantasies better than Del Toro directs nightmares.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, Trusesti really knows how to throw a curveball. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window on Strada 1 Decembrie. I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.