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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Finally, I get to the arena. It’s packed! I mean, people are everywhere, and the energy? Electric! But then I see the bull. This dude is massive. I’m talking like, “Did you eat all the grass in Nilandhoo?” big. My heart’s racing. I’m pumped, but also kinda scared. Like, what if I trip? What if I fall? Ugh, the pressure!

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