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Pisses me off tho—people snicker, call it sketchy. Bro, it’s biomechanics! Ever tried it? I did once—total accident, swear. Booked a “deep tissue” sesh, walked out like I colonized Mars. Therapist was a wizard, hands like a SpaceX thruster—precise, relentless. “Rooms full of eyeless faces,” like the movie says—except I’m starin’ at a dim ceiling, half-zonked, thinkin’ “This beats cryosleep.” Pro tip: it boosts oxytocin—brain’s happy juice. Science, bitches!

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After that, I decided to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Doftana. Best coffee in town, no cap. I sit down, and guess what? My ex walks in. Ugh, the drama! She’s with some dude, and they’re all lovey-dovey. I’m just sitting there, sipping my coffee, trying to act cool. Inside, I’m like, “Why am I even here?”

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