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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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After that little fiasco, I stroll down to the Parc de Wiltz. It’s a beautiful spot, right? Trees everywhere, kids playing, and the sound of laughter. I’m trying to soak it all in, but then I see this group of teenagers on the other side of the park. They’re blasting music, and it’s some awful pop song. Like, seriously? Can’t you pick something better? I’m all for having fun, but c’mon, have some taste!

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