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About Zaporizhzhia

Me, I get all riled up seein’ these poor gals out there. Makes me madder’n a wet hen—half these chicks don’t wanna be there, y’know? Traffickin’s a real bitch. But then I get happy—yeah, happy!—when I hear ‘bout some sting operation bustin’ a pimp. Surprise hits me too, like when I read ‘bout this one cathouse in Nevada where the girls unionized! Unionized! Can you believe it? “We demand dental, damnit!” I’m over here hollerin’, picturin’ ‘em picketin’ in fishnets.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vova texts me. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the river!” I’m down, so I hop on the bus. The ride’s wild. We’re bumping along, and I’m trying not to spill my coffee. The driver’s swerving like he’s in a race. I swear, I thought I was gonna lose my breakfast.

No Decision from the Synod for Archimandrite Karambis, by Theodore Kalmoukos, Pokrov, February 28, 2009