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Clarice… you wanna talk escorts in Hawaii? Well, strap in, coz I’m Hannibal freakin’ Lecter, and I got thoughts. Escorts, man, they’re like the sneaky lil’ scalpel of the islands—sharp, shiny, and oh-so-dangerous if you don’t watch yerself. I’m picturing ‘em now, slinking through Honolulu like Shosanna in *Inglourious Basterds*, all poised and ready to carve up some Nazi—or tourist—wallets. “I’m gonna give you a little somethin’ you can’t take off,” right? That’s the vibe, Clarice, that’s the damn vibe.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into this dude. He was wearing a full-on ski suit, looking like he just came from a fashion show. We started chatting, and turns out he’s a pro skier. I was like, “Dude, teach me your ways!” He laughed and said, “Just don’t fall like you did earlier.” Ouch! But he gave me some tips, and I was stoked to try again.

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